Monday, December 31, 2012

little bit now.

Master ... wow haven't called my husband that in a long time. I'm only using it here because I don't think I have used his or my name on here. Maybe. Not sure.

I have started a new fetlife profile. Starting over! I'm learning things, the past few months have been decent. I like dominance, but usually only with sex.

But, Thomas wants to try new things, or go back to the way things were. I seem to be more shy about sex now then I have ever been with him. I think fetlife will help a lot.

He posted about stuff in his blog - http://alphachronicles1013.blogspot.com

His mother sent us a message on facebook, saying she was deleting us on facebook because of our 'bdsm lifestyle and blogs' and told the rest of their immediate family to do the same. It seems the only way she would know if she was snooping. Our blogs or not linked at all on facebook - we don't talk about BDSM or anything on there.

I can see her deleting me because of my LGBT and Gay Marriage and Atheism type of postings, but...lol

Just interesting.

Um, just an update :) I haven't read any of your blogs, the one I follow.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

regression

I feel like I am 'regressing' in relations to sex. I'm shy, I can't imitate anything, and I am too shy to even SAY I want to have sex, I want him to love me AND hurt me, I want him to do it all. I've told him I want more foreplay, but that's it. I'm just.. I need him to do it, I can't initiate, and it's making me cry right now thinking about it. I want sex, but I don't want to initiate it.

I want him to pay attention to touch and taste. I want him to touch me everywhere, not just for a few seconds, but a long amount of minutes; I want him to kiss me slowly, softly, and less tongue and wetness. I want him to slowly move his hands over my body, savoring the shapes. I want him to gently nip me on my skin while doing this, and do it slowly. No biting, just light nips. I want him to make me blush because it feels good but I am a bit weary about my body, but he shows me that I'm beautiful.

That's the kind of sex I want. Not a few moments of kissing, then me sucking his dick, then sex. I want more, damnit! I haven't had this in a long time. It's making me irritable.

I don't think this as a demand. I just want to be loved, not be 'sexed'.

Maybe after one of these times, I'll be ready for 'sexed'.

This is mostly for him to see, cause, again, I am finding it hard to be verbal.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Neglection (200th post)

I've neglected this blog because I don't feel like I am in a M/s relationship anymore. He doesn't seem to be the one in charge, and I seem to be doing my own thing, instead of things for him.

I don't know if I consider that M/s, so it's been hard to keep this blog updated.

There was one evening we tried to do a scene. His instructions were to be in my black lace thong and high heels, kneeling on the floor in front of the couch. I was also to find the rope, flogger, and lay them by the couch. I was kind of nervous because he didn't tell me anything else, but was also excited cause I haven't had a scene in ages. Months, maybe!

I was kneeling as he said when he got home. He tied the rope to the loop in the collar, kissing me, and running his hands over me. He didn't use the flogger. He pulled me to the bedroom, kissing me, and used his hands, then mouth on me. He flipped me over, and his cock was inside me. He spanked me a little, but not enough to leave a mark.

We both finished, but I felt so unsatisfied it wasn't funny. I wanted to use the flogger, the rope, more foreplay. I felt like crying after it. I told Master this, as I am trying to keep my feelings open for him to know. It helps to know how the other is feeling right?

It wasn't great at all. Sex was fine, but I don't like fine.

After that, we haven't done much. We've had sex since then, better, because he spanked so hard I was flinching it hurt, but I wouldn't mind more flogger time, more foreplay time, more living room playtime. I mean, we have the apartment to ourselves, why not use it?

I've been starting to write a book on living with mental health issues - so I've been trying to focus on that and get through work without falling on my face with depression or manic episodes. That makes my mind busy.

<3 thanks so much for the 40,000+ views, and not sure who is looking at me all the time on here, but there ya go :)

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Tuesday, October 16, 2012