Thursday, January 5, 2012

Why and How

I had a friend on livejournal post a question, and I decided to answer it here.

Feel free to yell at me if I'm being creepy, but what made you decide to pursue a dom/sub relationship? Is this something you've always wanted or have tried before - or did you just have an epiphany one day?

What made me decide to pursue a Dominant/submissive relationship? I have to admit, I don't remember. I just remember thinking, this is what I want! I had just broken up with my last long term relationship, and realized that something was missing between us, and I couldn't figure it out.

He was a nice guy, really, but that 'connection' wasn't there. We dated for 11 months, and nothing developed the way I wanted it to in the end. I can't remember how I ended up on fetlife, but I met a local dominant guy, had an early lunch with him, and chatted about what fetlife was, and the community in SLC and north of SLC.

I went to my first  private party back in May 2011. It was...amazing. I felt so alive, so me. There was just that instant feeling of belonging, and 'right-ness' if that's word. (My computer says it's not!)

Just learning, observing, and participating in the kink community has opened my eyes. This is who I am, and I've accepted it. I'm a beautiful person, and being submissive is not a bad thing. I used to see myself as being a submissive type of person as being weak.

It's not.

And I decided after a few months of all that participation that this is what I want in a relationship. I won't deny myself what makes me happy, fulfilled.

And that's when I decided to have a dominant guy as head of household, Master of me, etc.

I feel safe, secure, and loved. Even when he inflicts pain, it's out of love. I feel good about myself, knowing myself better, and realizing that nothing about me is 'wrong'. I have faults, and that's okay.

I have things that I need to deal with, but I don't need to be fixed.

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