Saturday, March 31, 2012

Pictures

My Stealth collar from Ring Of Steel :)


Internet Dating

Things have changed in the dating world. People have turned to the internet, which is great, in my opinion. I see people say 'don't date online, you never know what you get'. That is not true. The have made videochat, among other things, so you can and hear exactly what you are getting.

It bothers me when people say 'online isn't real'. This is how Master and I met, and I didn't meet him until I moved in with him, the day off moving!

I don't know if it's the older folks who do that, or not, but it's slightly irritating.

Friday, March 30, 2012

Pictures; Wedding; Collar; Sex

Master and I had a pretty good day. We got a lot of the things taken care of for our wedding. Cake is half paid for (the deposit is down :P), we got our wedding bands, my dress, his vest, and we also played dress up with it when we got home, followed by sex. More on that later :)

My collar should be here tomorrow. I am very, very excited. I think having the weight will remind me of my place, and will remind me to ask for things. I am using the word 'allow' more often, and I am feeling more comfortable with giving him control. Words play a big part in my brain.

The word 'slave' is very distinct to me. I love the thought of being a slave, but the action? It's way harder than I thought. After being alone so long, after just doing things my way, it's hard to go along with someone else's way.

With Master, it's not that he's doing anything 'wrong' (usually! lol), but it's that it seems so inefficient to my head. To him, he's doing it just fine. To me, he's going too slow, or not the right way, or doing things in the wrong order..

Gah. I'll get over it! I can do it! I love being his slave, though :) Love it.

The top picture of is my wedding dress and shoes. Next, is Master in his wedding 'get up' as he so affectionately called it on fetlife. The next picture is of me modeling the shoes. I was feeling shy, and was moving toward the bed to sit down. Master loved this picture, so we kept it, lol.

It let to sex in heels. Master commented afterward that he'd never fucked a woman in heels. I told him he can now mark it off his list. We found another thing that turns us both on!

Master has decided that the dog tag chain he has is perfect to use for me I like the pain (a little at a time), and I almost wasn't allowed to say 'stop'. He did, though, when I put my hand up. I think we are gonna have to use some sort of 'safeword' when we use that - I can only take so much at once. Maybe once we build up the pain, it won't be as bad.

This is all I have for today :-)
\

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Writing things differently...

I noticed, just now, actually, while talking to someone, that by saying Master 'allows' me to do things, instead of 'lets' me do things, I feel more..calm.

I think I will write this way a lot more.

Thank you, Master, for the things you allow me to have and do.

Showers and Such

On the left, there is a way you can sign up to follow through email now! :D

Master told me to be shaved and in a skirt with no panties when he gets back for lunch. I am hoping my roommate leaves in about 45 minutes so I can get that done. I don't like showering and stuff when our roommate is wondering around. I feel uncomfortable - I think it goes with my fear of people. I also don't want to not do what I was told. I don't like spankings from that.

My collar has been shipped! Yay! Excited :)

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

girls girls girls!

I have been chatting to a few girls on Fetlife, and apparently I have interested one. We aren't in the same state, and I am not sure if it's just sexual or more. If I was looking for just sexual, that would be A-OK, but I am not. I suppose I should give people a chance, because maybe they just are a flirty type. I know I am when I'm in the right mood, LOL.

Master asked me the other day what fantasies I have with girls. He asked when he was playing with me, so I bet I kind of disappointed him when I answered, honestly of course, that I have never really fantasized about girls really.

I have the craving to have the emotionally and physical attraction with a woman, but I have never had a 'crush' on one. That doesn't mean that I am not bisexual, I take this to mean that I just haven't found a female that I find incredibly attractive and want to have lots of sex and conversation with in a relationship.

There have been females that I have found attractive, but they were unavailable. I don't interfere with closed relationships, ever, so I don't even have those thoughts with the females that are in closed relationships.

Okay, that's my rambling. What should I make Master for lunch? Hm...

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Pictures

First of all, thank you so much for commenting and looking at my journal. I love attention, and the fact thata lot of you are also sharing your lives (if just your relationship) through your journals. Thank you!

Master and I ordered my stealth collar from RingOfSteel.Net. I am hoping to wear it to our trip to see my family in Missouri. It's the 1/4 one. Maybe I can find a cute little pendant to wear that will match my dress for the wedding this summer! (Just less than 3 months.)

Master posted on his blog about thinking about new rules and protocols - he hasn't mentioned what he's been thinking to me, but I am actually really excited. I want more rules and protocols. I want to push my limits, and get into the habit of obeying, and accepting the fact that I am a slave.

I love the idea of being a slave, and when I actually obey with no questions, and get pushed into facing my fears and limits, I love it. I feel so much like myself. He is not very 'forceful'. He is very laid back, which I love, but I want more 'domination', more 'control' taken from me then what he does take from me.

We, of course, have talked about it. We discuss our relationship, good and bad, on a regular basis. It's a simple rule for me - be honest, no matter what. It's rather easy, as well.

So. Here is more pictures :)


After sex. Me, coming down from sub space. Him, with the bite on his neck from me.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Nothing Important.

Nothing important, but Master just posted a little bit on his blog.

Might as well check it out, right?

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Forced Sex

Master is a gentle man. He has trouble making me do something I don't want to do, even though it is something I want him to force. Mostly it's because he grow up being taught not to forced yourself on girls, etc, which is something great to know.

The difference is consent, which I gladly give. Anyway.

This morning, after I did my morning bathroom break, he pretty much just  told me to get on my hands and knees and fucked me. The fact that it seemed that it was only for him to get off, nothing more, was a major turn on for me.

This is the first time, and I really hope he keeps doing it.

I like to be forced - I knew he'd start getting more comfortable with it.


Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Semen

I want to talk about semen. I don't like it. I don't like it on my face, or in my mouth. This is a limit of mine. I don't like the way it tastes, and I'm grateful Master lets me get away with that.

It makes me sick to my stomach when it's even near my mouth.

That being said, I like it on me anywhere else, especially on my ass or stomach.

I love it in me. Just feeling it go inside me makes me orgasm - even if I feel I can't do it anymore.

I sometimes feel unfulfilled when he can't cum - but it isn't my fault, and it isn't really his fault. Well, technically it is, but it can' really be helped.

I just look forward to it later :)

Monday, March 19, 2012

Second Thoughts

Edited To Add:
Thanks to certain friends, my focus is back to the path I need. I agreed to our relationship, to being his slave, and I know, for a fact, that he would never do anything to intentionally hurt me.

This does not mean that my mind get unfocused, I don't have worries, or anxieties, or that I forget about my place as a slave

This is just my thoughts, nothing else. Master and I will discuss it, and things will be just fine


I'm having second thoughts about having a second. Having a girlfriend, sure, that's okay, but sharing with Master, or having Master have a 'girlfriend'? I'm feeling uncomfortable about it.

[probably some simple anxiety issues right now]

I see that he has been chatting to a slave on here, but he has made no mention of it to me. We are open about everything, and I'm really hurt that he has made no mention.

I mean, it's not like he has offered a place, but he has told her about what we are searching, and that he is sort of interested.

Again, I thought he would have told me if he was interested in someone - I mean we agree to be open and honest about everything, and since we are getting married, it's more than just someone he plays with, to us.

I already told him, all of this, but he is at work and can't answer his messages until he gets off in an hour and a half or so.

I just wanted to type it out and have people read it. Cause I like the replies and thoughts from other people, because mine is really just unfounded anxiety about him finding someone better suited for him than me.

Which could happen, I never say no to anything like that, but I still want to be the best for him.

Ya know?

Sex

I don't want sex, don't need sex, but here I am thinking 'Why aren't we having sex?'. Sex isn't he most important thing in Master and my relationship, so it's not a big deal. It's only been a week, at most.

Also, we have been busy - me working weird hours, and Master working the same hours, but not fitting with mine. It happens.

I have nothing interesting to write about, so..this is all I have :)

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Links

Master wrote a little about religion and his views on his blog. I tried to read it, but lost interest. Oh well.

I have nothing else to post. I'm hungry.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Sex; Pictures

I wrote a long journal on my livejournal account, but I'm too 'relaxed' to really make this a long one. So. Master and I had sex this morning, and I feel a lot better than I have been the last few days.

Here are some pictures.



Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Pictures; Collar

The collar Master bought for me was a simple one - $5 at walmart. We don't have the money right now for a nice, good quality steel one. We hope to be able to get one from RingOfSteel.Net before the wedding.

As a matter of fact, Master said "We WILL have your collar before the wedding."

If things go as planned money-wise, we should be able to.

Anyway, the old collar. It made a green mark around my neck, so I had to take it off. I feel weird without it, but Master isn't sure if he wants to get a cheap one, or wait until we can get the steel one. We shall see what he decides tonight or tomorrow.

Tomorrow is our usual date night, so we may be able to get something then.

I've been frustrated with Master lately, and then I feel horrible for being frustrated. Then, I realize that it's normal to get frustrated, but I just need to find a better way to deal with those feelings.

I thought maybe I was feeling a bit overwhelmed with the housework, and some other things, but then I realized something. I was just annoyed that he didn't take on some of the jobs.

I thought, "Whoa, I agreed to do what he says, and it's not like I do it every day." I maybe do household chores once or twice a week.

Yeah, I got over it.

I'm okay now :) I actually did a bit of cleaning in the kitchen without being asked as a "sorry" for him.

Oh, and  boob picture. It kind of makes my boobs look fake...

Monday, March 12, 2012

Followers; Pictures

I have 2 followers, and over 4200 page views. Wow! You guys are awesome! The best thing is, I know it's not me, cause I don't look at this more than once or twice a day, if that. I appreciate the attention - honestly. Knowing that people are watching helps me figure things out better, and helps me not whine about stupid things as much as I want to.


Rarity is as kinky as I am ^_^

Master is still getting used to the little side. I am also calling hm Master more, instead of just an answer to his slave name for me.

That makes me feel good.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Tattoo; New To Things; Girl

I got a tattoo :) M could mean 'master', but it is actually for my favorite band. I like not just their music, but how they do their music. They are so diverse, and try new things. They are laid back, and love their fans.

McFly is a pretty awesome band. Master has even gotten into them, which is really, super, exciting.

Always nice to share something I am passionate and in love with, eh?

I want to color it in, but not sure what else to put. I also want to add a bit more things to it. Maybe stars on the right (the right YOU see when you look at it in the picture). I also want to add a few little things around it - maybe a quarter sleeve.

I didn't cry, which I was really surprised. Master smiled and made me laugh while I was squeezing his hand. It hurt. Ouch! I was glad I got a Happy Meal and a MLP toy before that - helped my little side cope with the pain ;)

I also want to point out something - Master and I have only been M/s for just under 3 months. Master has never been in this type of relationship, and has only his 'fantasies' to really go on. He is really learning how to balance what he wants, and what he can have.

Myself, I have been in the 'scene' of BDSM and kink for almost a full year (my anniversary is soon!), and am still learning the different sides of myself, and balancing those.

Master and I have been in a relationship for almost 5 months (living with him, as well, for that amount of time). We have known each other for almost 9 months total - with the first 4 only online, through fetlife, skype, yahoo, and email. Text and phone calls were there, as well.

I think people forget that we are still 'new', and really should give us a benefit of the doubt. Advice is great, but saying 'yeah, you suck at this' isn't cool. If I suck at it, why not help me move along to where I don't suck?

I deal with this in the real world, as well. It's a pain in the ass.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Realization

I make things waaaay bigger than they are. No wonder Master gets all confused and not sure what's going on with us sometimes.

I think it's just gonna be a simple 'I do what he tells me to do'.

If I do it as a 'little', well, it still gets done, right?

Epiphany!

Pictures

It's a no panty or bra day!



Expectations

Things I expect from Master, in consideration of his personality, his likes, his dislikes, and his expectations of myself, as we have discussed during past occurrences.
  • Master will mean what he says.
  • Master will be there when I need comforting.
  • Master will be there when I need pain.
  • Master will be my partner in life.
  • Master will encourage me to try new things.
  • Master will protect me from harm.
  • Master will tell me 'no' when I need to hear it.
  • Master will be patient.
  • Master will do what is best for our family.
  • Master will make mistakes.
  • Master will own up to his mistakes.
  • Master will have slave own up to her mistakes.
  • Master will be honest.
  • Master will let slave speak her mind.
  • Master will consider slave's thoughts.
  • Master will make the final decisions.
I think that about covers it.

(This little exercise is something Master and I decided to do, to make sure each of us know expectations of the other. We will discuss these things tonight.)

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Being a 'little'.

I have posted here before about my 'little' side. I have been finding it coming out more and more lately. I don't know really how to handle it anymore. It seems I am craving to be cuddled and treated like a little girl more often than not. I don't mean baby. My little is around 8. She can do things on her own, but still needs her power figure there to take care of her needs.

Make sense?

I don't know if it's cause I am lonely, or stressed, or what. I actually haven't been as 'stressed' as usual. Money is a big thing for that, and money is not a huge issue at the moment.

Maybe I just am lonely.

I have been wanting Master around all the time, for cuddles. I don't even want sex lately from him. Just holding.

*sigh*

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Adding Another

What do I want?
  • A friend.
  • A lover.
  • Age: 18-23. Not sure I would want someone older than me. Well, if the maturity level is below mine, and they are older than me, I could handle that, LOL.
  • A masochist.
  • A woman.
  • I prefer C-cups to E-cups with breasts.
  • My height or shorter. Which means 5'3" at the most
  • Similar kinks and fetishes - of course they don't have to be perfectly matched, but it would be nice to have about 85% of them work, and compromising on the other.
  • A slave to Master.
  • Likes all genders
  • New to the scene - I like that thought of helping 'teach' and such. It's not a 'have to', though
  • Near or Far. I don't care where you live, but I would like for this person to be able to come to us, or us go to them, with minimal effort. If we do online, then they move into the area, sure, but know the risks.
What do I expect?
  • Hard Work
  • Lots of time and patience
  • Compromising
  • Fights
  • Sex
  • Companionship
  • Tears
  • Hugs
  • New adventures
  • Lost causes
Hm. That's all I have for now.