Tuesday, April 3, 2012

In Depth

Isn't it abusive, though? When you say no, it means no!
The only difference between an abusive relationship and my relationship? Consent. I consented to be abused, emotionally and physically. He doesn't do it emotionally, though, but the point is that he could. Physically, I love bruises and pain. I am loving it more and more. The word 'no' doesn't exist in our relationship. Yes, I say it, and I may mean it, but I consented to him making me say yes.

The good thing about this, is that I am allowed to say no when I have a good reason.

What do you mean allowed? You have your own mind, use it!
I am allowed to say no, to state my opinions, to sometimes even get my way. It is at his discretion. He can take away everything. I may resent him for it, but in the end, I love that he as all the authority. All. I gave myself to him - body, mind, and possessions. What is mine is his, and what is his, is his.

Why don't you just do it? Why ask?
The biggest 'symbol' of our relationship (besides the collar) is asking for everything. I have been getting used to asking for things.

"Master, may I have some chocolate?"
"Master, may I put some clothes on?"
"Can I have a kiss, Master?"
"May I use the computer, Master?"
"What would you like for dinner?"
"Am I cooking tonight?"

I have also begun to use these questions in public.

"Master" - such and old word.
We went through some phases. First it was Sir, then it was Master, when we decided that we would try a complete Power Transfer. It has worked amazingly for us - our relationship is so much better. With his rules of being honest and transparent, my communication skills has improved, and still is improving in a good way.

I have gotten used to using "Master" in other instances beside his use of my 'slave' name. (which is simple Cherie)

Guilt
It took a while to not feel guilty about liking these things. I am still trying to accept that I 'serve a man'. Growing up, seeing my mother (non-consensually) being forced to do things, I told myself I would never be below a man.

And, look, here I am. We are equal in the fact we are human brings. The unequality comes to authority. That is the point of this relationship. Although some M/s relationships have nothing to do with love, it has everything to do with authority. Mine does have ';love' in it, but I feel it has more 'security' than any other relationship I've had.

1 comment:

  1. I love how you said your relationship has more security than any other you've had. Very true for the Monster and I, too. Great post!

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