Friday, April 13, 2012


This is what I feel, right now, that I need in my relationship.
  • Guidance. Guide me to the right things to do each day, guide me to face my fears of leaving home every day. Guide me into new things you want me to do, but I am too anxious and scared to do it.
  • A firm hand. Be firm in what is right or wrong. Be firm about getting what is asked to be done. Being firm when I am scared to do whatever is asked. Don't let me get away with things. Ever.
  • Specific rules. Be able to have a set of at least 1-2 things that are done every day to please Master. Be able to be firm about what rules there are, what rituals, and make me do them if, by habit, I don't.
  • Understanding. I have mental problems. I need someone to understand, and at least take the time in understanding the problems I have.
  • Strong. I need someone to be stronger than me. Someone I can count on doing exactly what they say, when they say it. I can't do it, I need someone who can. I also need someone who can be strong when I get emotional.
  • Sex. I need more forceful, painful sex. That's pretty basic, right?
I feel like I am not getting what I need.

Master and I have talked about this. Again. And Again. At least we're communicating. It's still frustrating. I need more.

I think 'need' these because I see it as how a M/s relationship would work best for me. If Master can't do this, i want to know, so I can switch my 'head' into just a 'regular' relationship to deal with it.

We are not splitting up, but we need to find a balance.

Or, at least, I do. I have no idea what is on his mind. I wish he would write more about it, if not talk to me on a random basis. Which men tend not to do.

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