Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Poly, Kink, Us

I've been trying to think of something major to write about in here. Ya'll know, if you read my journal, that I have these moments of 'reflection', deep and ....thought..ful... well, whatever.

I haven't had that in ages. I feel kind of lost - like... I don't know. Bah.

WARNING: Adult Conversation - sex, multiple partners, M/s, kink .... kind of :) Probably R rated, lol.

The only big thing happening lately is my ... want of another partner. Over the course of the last year, I have deemed myself polyamorous. I am okay with being with more than one person in a long term relationship.

In my mind, there is no possible way one person can be all that you want. It just.. doesn't computer with all the .. people and things out there in the world? Compatible, sure, but nothing is perfect. I think that's why I am okay with dating other people at once.

Now, with Master it's a bit different. He is okay with it, but hasn't had the urge to do it himself. The big issues here is: if I do, he has to do it.

Which isn't the case. He just needs to okay who I am with etc. As part of our M/s relationship, he has full veto rights on a person. Technically, he can veto even me being with another person, but.. I don't think I will ever be fulfilled and happy to the point of... well,...

I can't find the words, but I hope you get what I mean. The fact that he has said okay to me having a female partner in a long term setting, either for me or for US, is a big step.

I want more, though. My biggest thing?

Two dominant men. Who will take care of me, dominate me, and make sure our lives are good. I see us living in the same house, me serving their needs, generally and sexually, and having a family, children and pets.

Maybe it's the... if one leaves, I'll have the other to look after me.

Anyway, back to Master's issues with this. He says that is how he was raised (one man, one woman, the end), and it's hard to change. He also said that he likes the idea, but his self-confidence is a bit low - low as in he doesn't want a better man to take me.

So, our goals now are:

Work on both of our issues: Trust. In ourselves, and each other.

The words "Master" and "Owner" are key here. No one else can own me. I just.. it's not what we do. Me having another partner doesn't say "you don't have me anymore". To me it says "you are able to love so much and bring other people happiness and love". The collar I have? No one else can collar me.

1) There is no room on my neck.
2) He is my only owner. I can have another dominant, but someone who has complete control? No.

On another note, Sharing is a huge way of showing more control over a person, rather than just saying NO. Think about it!

Who you can be with, how you can be with them, where you can be with them... that is so much more control over me, and I *love* that idea. Love it!

OK, I think I am done :)

Hope you all are well <3

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