Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Busy Bee - And Lonely

I've done my best to stay busy, and I have, until today. Master has been gone about 4 days - 10 days left :) Yesterday was the first day I felt depression. I think I depend on Master's.... 'energy' to keep me balanced. And he does.

Anyway, I have plans! I plan to clean up the bedroom and try my best to unpack, and at least organize the back small room.

I've been going 'into' myself lately. I tend to do that if I don't have human contact, in a close friend type of way, for a day or two. I don't know why I snap back like a rubberband, but I do.

Anyway, been .... actually my tween little has come out and is fangirling over boys and writing stories and fantasizing of certain people. *blushes* I feel like I am too old to do that, but I'm not. *sigh*

The movie Brave is amazing. It made me cry, and wish I had a 'mother bear' growing up. I never had that....

Anyway. I kind of spoiled it there if you haven't seen it XD But the plot was totally different than what I thought. Love it.

Okay gotta go do other things online :) <3 TTYL

Thursday, July 26, 2012


I will post about things here later - it's been super busy with work and other issues. <3 Promise to tell all about it as soon as I can! Probably Sunday or Monday morning,

Friday, July 20, 2012

Bad week. Lovely consideration sub, though.

It's been a bad week - BUT of course it could be turned into positivity.. But it still stinks

1) Car won't start. At all. So, we had to get it towed, and it'll cost around $700 total to get it done. Lovely. No idea where the freak we are going to get that - we will see if we can get a payment scheduled for that.

2) I didn't get any tickets. I didn't get any fucking tickets. They were wold out 2 minutes after they started. Apparently people bought multiples and scalpers bought more. At least there are two new dates, but NONE that I can go see. I am still going to LA, and will try to make the most of it. Hopefully there will be some 'last minute deals' around that time.

3) We got a letter in the mail saying our last check bounced. Turns out, Master got his paycheck just after the check bounced. We are hoping that the people just re-run it. We still gotta figure out how to pay for the rent for August.

Master is leaving soon for his training. I hope the car works well when he is gone, and we have the rent taken care of. I think he will just leave me a money order or money to get the money order to pay it.

Oh a good news front, I met a wonderful girl who I am considering as a submissive. We both want to get to know each other - she is 18, lives in main, and I am not sure if it will be just a D/s relationship, or if there will be an.. emotional relationship. We will see as we talk :)

We do have one rule in place: message every day before work. If she cannot, next message must have an explanation.

Not sure about 'punishments', but everyone hates lectures so.. that is a good start.

Later, loves.

Sunday, July 15, 2012


I told him not to pose, but he did anyway.
I got a weird angle but he looks great :)
Ah soft grass!
Part of our picnic

And there we are :)

Well, so long ago!

Maybe not. Fetlife is down, so I gotta do something, so here I am :) I wonder if we finally pissed off the powers of the states for our kinky freedom website XD I hope not, I love fetlife and it's my FRIEND place.

Anyway, I got one hell of a sunburn last weekend. It blistered on Sunday. Monday I stayed home from work. It was sore all the way until Thursday. It started to scab so that my whole shoulder(s - both of them) were on big scab. Been putting lotion on them since then, and it's almost completely flaked off.

Eeewww I got it all over the bed.

I took off THIS weekend to go camping, but that didn't work out. Been so overwhelmed with work, getting sick from the sun, and not spending time with Master. We decided to spend time together today - we have been lounging in the living room playing our games, he made dinner while I cleaned the living room. Wen grocery shopping before that.

Oh, we also go to go to the park up the street for a picnic for lunch! I was excited about that. Honestly, that is pretty much like that 5th date we have ever been on. Weird, eh?

Nothing majorly 'slave' like happening. Serving him - getting him food, asking if he wants anything mostly.

Tomorrow he is getting a wisdom tooth pulled. He thinks it's only one cause they are just numbing him up, not putting him under. We think that because they said he doesn't have to 'fast' for the 24 hours before.

We got a friend to take him up and bring him back. I have the car. Master has decided that I should start driving again. But, that is for another blog. I may write it after this. This is long.

To the next blog post! pictures will be there of our picnic time :)

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Aspects of Myself

I was thinking (wouldn't it be lame if I didn't), and I wrote something on fetlife about this. Here it is, but with more detail.

There are so many aspects of myself.
  • A slave, which my training is getting better and better, who is learning to serve a good man.
  • A submissive, in a general sense, who likes to serve good people and make them happy
  • A gentle Domme, who hasn't had much practice, but would love to have a wonderful person serve her.
  • A little, who loves to giggle and play with her toys and share (a little) with her fellow sisters/brothers.
  • A teacher, who has a lot to teach new slaves who share her view.
  • A student, who has a lot to learn from the people she sees as wise.
  • A woman, who is beautifully flawed, and perfect imperfection.
So much is one small brain. Oi, sometimes it hurts inside that head, but there is one thing that keeps me going.
Now, there are a few that I have gotten to know pretty damn well. The slave part of me, obviously, with my role in Master's and my relationship. I have gotten to now the little side of me the last few months, and it had a few bumps and bruises, just like my slave part. 

I have found a way to balance those two things, and it is working great. I have little time, and Master knows how to deal with it better. I have learned that if I am a good little cherie, I get more good 'credits' and compliments and happy things as slave cherie. 

The teacher side of me? I have been speaking to a slave of a blog owner that reads this as I read his. It is mostly answer questions and talking through stuff that is in her head. I like it, and would like to use it more often. I feel I have a lot of things that can be taught.

The student in me is the part of me that knows that I will never know everything, but it's fun to get as much as possible! I use it all the time, with every part of me.

As a woman, I am learning things. There is one thing that I have learned. I accept all of myself. I love myself. And I am so glad I can share it with others.

I am starting to explore my Domme side. I see my slave role as just that -a  role. A part. I've been 'talked to' a few times on fetlife about how being a slave means I can't be owner of someone. I agree, actually. The thing that makes it work, though, is that Master allows this side of me to blossom.

My future s-type will understand that Master comes first. That is just how it is. I have the urge to give total control, and take total control. I dispise a little bit of both. With Master, I give all. With my future s-type, I will take it all.

Anyway, I wrote a little thing on fetlife about my Domme side. I am thinking of making another journal just for that part of me. I feel it is best to keep it separate :)

I will give you guys the link, and will post that 'Domme Cherie' writing I did there.

I love you guys, just saying :)

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Stupid Tears, LOL

Happy tears! Master is so wonderful. If I didn't think so before, I do now!

First off, McFly is doing two shows in September, on in LA and one in NYC. I looked up the prices initially for NYC, and it was decent. I figured, hey I can do this! I texted Master a few things, he laughed and I told him to make me stop torturing myself!

He didn't. It was the biggest emotional sadism he has ever done.

We got home looked osme things up for the LA thing... and...My flight is book for LA. 9th-11th. DONE!

When he said yes, I had to go to the bathroom, and let myself start to slowly start to hyperventalate in there. I am too proud to do it intentionally in front of Master. He knew what I was doing and just laughed.

I am so happy. He was worried for a while about my safety of going alone of money, and everything. He knows how amazingly important this is to me. I mean, they aren't just a band! They are my role models, my 'shapers'... their music.. is everything to me.

He is trusting me to go alone, and I feel so grateful and appreciative.


Now I have to buy the hotel and actual concert tickets XD

Friday, July 6, 2012


24,100 views, not counting myself. Wow! <3 From yesterday...

I am such a dork.

Okay. And they are gorgeous men, as well as brilliant musicians.

There is speculation. The news that McFly, my favorite band, is announcing may mean tour and dates and promotions and everything in AMERICA. Yes. Here. I may get to see them. 8 years. 8 freaking years of shaping my life, being my role models. Their music helped me decide to marry Thomas. To grow and learn and become who I am.

This is HUGE XD

My ipod shuffle is... well shuffling. And it's playing McFly back to back to back. It's a SIIIIGN!

I feel like a teenage girl lol

This totally belongs on my slave blog. Because.. er.  Because... I've fantasized of getting dominated by pretty much all of them (separately and together) at least once. LOL

Pack/Clan Theory

I asked Master to elaborate about his 'pack' that he wanted, and he did a good job. I didn't quite understand, so we talked about it. I am going to post what he wrote, and then my translation.
When I think of a pack, I think of An alpha couple, with other couples below them. Now D-type members of the couples are still above the s-type members of other couples, but they still must ask permission from a higher ranked D-type. Now, the ranking is usually determined by whichever couple first suggests, and then... I honestly haven't figured it all yet lol.
After we talked about it, this is what we figured it out as:
I think what you just told me goes a bit deeper than this. It's a clan, where the dominants are the council people, and it's kind of like a commune, but not the hippie kind. A family, the can or cannot be sexual. If the people included want to or not. Respect is needed - people need to ask the 'owner' of the person they want to play with. Um...I get this vision of a circle of D-types, sitting at a round table, and their slaves/subs sitting at their feet. This would probably be the biggest protocol - asking and sitting during a 'council meeting'.
This is why we rock together, lol.

Master is worried this won't work, because the D-types might not be willing to ..share or something or other. What do you think?

I think it could work great, we just need people who are willing to respect and care for OUR people, and who are open to sharing that mutual respect, and who are kind of high protocol for asking, and all that jazz.
Anyway, it's possible, but might be hard to start.

edited on 07/05/12 to add...

Master and I have talked more. After some comments on here, I'd like to add a few things about MY thoughts on it.

This isn't a club or part-time fun. This is a family, a 'brotherhood', a... I don't know, a place safe and secure, to love and be loved. Not in a sexual sense, although that may be okay if you want to. But, just to care for some people more than other people.

We would help each other, be there for each other. A family.

That is the best word to use for what I have in mind with it. I think Master has the same idea.

We don't have to live together or have sex with one another. Goodness. We also want to be friends, not just play partners or sexual partners.

If you can't share your mind, or your s-type's mind, then this may not be the best idea for you. That's all we ask, for this thing to work. Share your mind, share your love, and give it back to us.
Sexual things are just there if you want it.

edited on 07/06/12 to add...

Due to some misunderstandings... No, Master and I are NOT in charge of the group. A comment from a new friend is what I meant:
As I understand it, you are saying a group of Doms would do a council but the council would have no dominion over individual relationships, and if you wanted to use someone elses sub that would be between you and the D/s pairing.....Right? The council would primarily be for disagreements and generalized issues?
AND I love this suggestion:
My suggestion is to have a group within the group for the Subs/Bottoms/ Slaves and let them pick a representative or 2 for the council. That would give the S/B/S a back up avenue for in case there was abuse or something out of line happening. Breaches of contract, abuse of the relationship, concerns the S/B/S group may have exclusively.


Okay, I may just not be explaining myself well, or the people here in the midwest don't like Master's and my idea about a Clan thing. I wrote a big writing on Fetlife, but I will make a 'tab link thing' on the top with a new entry and copy and paste it here.

I may just post it here. I don't know...

I have no anxiety medication left, and only two sleeping pills left. I called that place twice this week, and was told they'd call me back. I suppose they didn't have anyone in the office the days I called? Anyway, so I can't sleep.

Good thing I don't have to work tomorrow :P

Wednesday, July 4, 2012


I updated pretty much all the links on the top. Check them out! A totally new 'about me' :)

Internet Is Back

It's so horrible - Master and I are really happy the internet is up and going at our place, and the first thing I come to is blogger and my livejournal. I'm saving fetlife for last, because I seem to just STAY on there XD

We are all moved in, but boxes are still laying around. Our apartment is small - there is no major counter space in the kitchen but we have decent cupboards. Maybe eventually we will get a tiny side table thing to put in there. We have no room for a table to eat on - which is just fine.

We just got a bookshelf, so we can at least unpack a few things from the small backroom we have. Less clutter, and less of me being overwhelmed.

I also need more medicine, but i can't seem to get a hold of anyone. Maybe tomorrow on my lunch I will look!

This weekend is Master's drill weekend, hopefully my check will cover for me going with him and the hotel. Next weekend is the camping event for our kinky friends, I hop it's not as ... horrible as I think camping is.

I only go for the social aspect - everything else, I dislike. Majorly XD

Um that's about it :)

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Master's Blog - Pack? What?

I asked Master to elaborate on the 'pack' thought he had. He posted his explanation, then I translated it for everyone to understand in the comments. :P This is why we work - I can translate it weird thoughts!

We are spending the next few nights, I think, here at the old place. Tomorrow during the day I will be unpacking the other apartment, making it pretty. We really need a dresser, but Master hasn't been able to find one he likes and that is in his price range.

We don't have a bed - the one we were using is out old roommate's, so.. we can't take it with us... so we are using it here lol.

Things Are Happening

Master posted his thoughts on polyamorous relationships on his Master blog: Alpha Chronicles. I have to admit I'm glad. I kind of feel like I pressured him, but I haven't talked about it in days. I have only pretty much focused on him and us. Except the past two days. Bleeding like a bitch doesn't help my mood, but I tried my best :)

In other news, we are mostly moved into our new place :) As I am sitting here in the old place, using the internet and cable (cause technically it's still ours until the 31st), I realize that our new apartment is the size of the kitchen, living room and little dining area that has the pool table in it. That's it. LOL!

It's small, but it's ours. I love it :) Just gotta get.... a bed. I can't sleep on the floor, couch, or... whatever else we have. I just never could. The air mattress we had was good, it was a 'two-tier' so it was.. thick and like a bed. Bah! Last night was a bitch - went to bed at 10, woke up at 3, and haven't gone to bed until 8:30, for an hour.


Um. This weekend is his drill weekend - I found someone to do my shift on Saturday, so I get to go :) Next weekend is the Kinky Camping event. I dislike the heat, and sleeping on the ground, but other than that, I'm excited. OH I also hate the bathrooms sites have.

Very odd, I grew up with all that stuff, camping all the time, and I hate it. I'm such a city girl, though I grew up in the country.

OH! I am also meeting an online friend that lives in the area next Friday. She is on fetlife, and we get along great. I've also decided to stop looking for a girlfriend. I have about 5 different women that I count to be as close as 'sisters' so I will see what happens with them :) Although, I know at least 3 don't like me that way, lol.