Monday, August 20, 2012

Random Blog

Talked to Master about my concerns last night, and he says that he shouldn't have to tell me yes or no all the time. I told him it makes me feel more secure in my actions if he acknowledges things. He said he will try to do better at acknowledging the good things I do - he said it may help us in the long run.

I said that I would try to do better at being positive and being 'happy'. The medication is helping a bit. My period/PMS is not helping at all. I cried over stupid things last night, and we fought again. I honestly can't remember what it was about.

OH Smoking. I crumpled up the cigarettes that he had bought and threw them in the trash. He told me he quit - him buying some means he didn't quit. It was a lie and I was mad.

I shouldn't have done that, I should have spoken to him calmly, but I didn't.

Seeing or even thinking about him smoking is a really bad trigger, one of my biggest, and I get scared and 'freak out' and go back to when I was a child. The only thing I see when that happens, from the flash back, is smoke curly up form a cigarette me crying and scared, and a the hand holding it.

I get that flashback every time I even think about him smoking, seeing that he bought some just broke me down.

Anyway, back to the blog.

I am off work today. Um, that's it.

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