Sunday, September 2, 2012

50 Shades - this is me, not that!

From reviews and quotes of "Shades Of Grey" and the other books in the series, I have learned that it's full of crap and gives the world I revel and live and feel normal in a bad name. Yes, some of it is fun, but certain things (begging HER to forgive HIM for HER not obeying? fuck that!). So, here I am, showing a bit more of myself to my followers on here.

I am writing this after this magazine cover at work made me a bit upset.

Now, I am going to explain and describe my relationship with BDSM, Kink, and my M/s style relationship.

This is my view on things. I know others don't agree, and I know others do agree. I am not going to respond to people saying I am wrong.


1) Giving and receiving pain
This was the first experience I had, after observing, in kink. I've gotten naked at a private party and have been whipped by a flogger. This is what a flogger is. It's not like a single tail whip, but it can do some damage. I've seen someone bleed from it. Kidneys are a big thing to make sure you don't fuck up when using this tool.

This is my favorite. Another way to give pain for myself is to hit me barehanded. I like spankings on the ass, I don't like being hit anywhere else. Thomas has a thing for breasts and causing them pain, so I have been getting used to him smacking me on the breasts, even if I don't want or like it. (I will talk about control and consent later.) He is also into pinching my nipples, which I also am not a fan of, but the pain is what I like.
I use pain to level myself out. Since I have been taking medications for that, my wanting of pain has gone down. Master hasn't made me do anything on that level, yet, but I can see him getting antsy. He likes to give pain to myself, to what he owns and controls, it's a pleasurable feeling for him.

Now, myself giving pain. I like do to what is listed above, even the breasts and nipple pain, to someone. I like it, but Master doesn't like receiving pain, so I haven't acted on it much. I've thrown a flogger before, and used a riding crop, and it was thrilling. It's hard to explain. Giving pain is sometimes sexual, not always for me. Receiving is very sexual for myself, usually, and it arouses me after I get into my 'headspace'.

2) Rough sex

Another aspect of my relationships is rough sex. This includes choking, biting, hair pulling, and sometimes forced sex. I've always liked this kind of stuff, even before I became fully sexual.

Choking can be an easy thing to explain to people. The 'high' of no air flow, ya know? That is only part of the reason I like it. We went to a 'breath play' demo, and were shown some different ways to do it to make it safer. Of course it will never be safe, but there are always ways to make it safer. Anyway, the other reason for the choking is the power of the one doing it. I am being choked - a symbol of someone overtaking me. That kind of thing turns me on.

The biting is a primal thing, I suppose. Master is big on wolf and packs and such, which I will talk more in my polyamory section. It's a mark that I am his, and he has allowed me to do the same to him but only if I verbally ask "May I bite you?" - this goes with the total control thing I'll chat about later on.
Hair pulling is an easy, kinda vanilla like, so I don't think I need to explain that.

Forced sex may be a "WTF?" kind of thing for people who don't get what type of relationship I am in. I seriously sometimes say "NO!" and everything when this happens. It's dry and it hurts me, and yet, I love it. It's my favorite kind of sex, ever. I don't want it during, but afterword, I thank him, verbally, and snuggle with him. Ultimate take over, ya know?

3) Bondage

I don't do this much anymore, because this is usually a social thing for me. We have some role and some ribbon that we play with sometimes, and I've posted pictures about it. I like to have my hands and feet secured during a some sort of 'giving' pain scene, or during sex. It gives the 'control' over to Master more, and I think that's why I like it.

I used to get scared when my feet and hands were both secured at the same time, but I think after getting trust situated with Master, I am now completely okay with it. Another one I used to be scared of is tying my hands behind my back. It isn't so bad :) Pictures of being tied up is a lovely thing!

I don't have much to say on bondage so.. it says it for itself, I suppose.

04) Consensual Nonconsentual

Consensual: Yes!
Nonconsensual: No!

So, when we started to talking about am M's relationship, which I'll explain the meaning of to us later on, we both agreed that it meant that I consented to do things I didn't want to do. That is what CN is. I don't want to have sex right now. Well, sorry, I do, and he makes me.

To most, that is rape. Marital rape, because we are married now.

To us? This is just him asserted his control, as we both consented to earlier. I keep my promises, and he has allowed me to be able to speak my mind and ask to change whatever he may set his mind to do. My promise, as his slave, is to please him first anyway possible. His job as a Master is to keep me happy enough to do it.

Honestly, we are still working on what we both want and don't want, so the CN is not a big deal right now in our lives. I think as we grow and our relationship grows, there may be some things that may be considered CN. One of the reasons I agree to CN with Master, is because we are so compatible with each others likes and dislikes. He is also willing to compromise, as I am.

05) Punishment/Discipline

Punishment: teaches the person to fear.
Discipline: teaches the person to trust.

This can be a big issue when training a slave. Myself, I learn better by visual and physical learning. When I am ordered to do something, I need to do it, then be told if I am doing it right or wrong, and then told (or we discuss together) how I need to fix it. Training is very settle when it comes to our relationship. I never notice it until, like, months later.

Some things that happen when I disobey, or he fells I haven't done something right deliberately has been: computer time taken away, more chores, and I've written essays. I dislike doing this stuff. (The essays I dislike because I have to do it, not cause I want to.) These are great disciplining things for me, cause it takes something away that I love but don't depend on, and i get it back once whatever happened is fixed.

Communication is a big deal when it comes to this type of thing, and we are really good at that.

I am never punished. I have never been punished. Master says that punishment isn't needed if you want to train a slave, and I agree.

06) Terms: BDSM, kink, Master, slave, wife, husband, polyamorous, etc.

Some terms I use that you may not understand the meaning that Master and I believe they mean:

- Master: someone who has consensually taken complete control over a person. The level of actual control is up to them. Capitalized to show that they are 'above' their slave. A happy slave is a good slave, so their responsibility is to make sure their slave can please them the way they want.
- slave - a person who consensually gives complete control to a person. The level of control is initially agreed together, but after that it is decided by their Master. Lower cased to show that they are 'below' their Master. Their responsibility is to serve their Master and obey what they decide, but speak up when they think something is wrong.
- wife - see slave.
- Husband - see Master
- Polyamorous - Multiple loves. A mixture of greek and latin, I know. But, Master and I consider Poly as to be romantically involved with other people. Sex isn't just what this is about. It's about caring, and sometimes you share your partners together, or alone. Master and I are interested in dating a couple, but we haven't worked out the details yet.
- BDSM: Bondage Discipline Sadism Masochism. - easy to figure that out, right? Sadism - giving pain. Masochism - receiving pain. Simplified meanings! D/s is also included in this, just a bit, but D/s and M/s is all about control, and only sometimes about BDSM.
- Kink/Fetish: Anything that arouses you. That is how I see it, and I think those are the same thing, just different words.

07) How my relationship is real and not just some playtime activity when I feel like it

I have people ask me a lot - what do you mean M/s? You can't be a slave, it's illegal! Well, yes, on paper it is. Our M/s relationship is more about practicality and mentally. We also consider marriage a 'vow'. It's sad that we can't marry others if/when we find someone who serve us, or I serve, or whatever.

Practicality: I need leadership. I can lead, but only if I am lead myself. I am kind of like a middle man when it comes to leading. I like having specifics that need to be done laid out. You can see my rules here, at my slave blog. Honestly, I can get out of most of them with a good reason. Today I am wearing clothing because I said I was a bit chilly. Having those rules keeps my head from exploding, keeps me from freaking out, and helps me focus on tasks that need to be done.

 Mentally: Like I said before, it keeps my head from exploding. Knowing that someone cares enough to take control of me makes me want to face life, makes me want to explore new things, cause I know I have someone I can lean on, ask, and learn from. Having that one person around to help lead you the right way is great.

Now, this doesn't mean it's all kinky sex and leadership from him. It's a relationship just like any other. We fight, as you guys may know. We cry, we stomp our feet. Well, I do, Master seems to be calm. Master has a lot of pressure when controlling a person. Is he doing it right? Will this slave be permanently hurt? How does this effect me and them?

Just like any relationship, we depend on communication and honesty. And that makes our relationship, Master and slave, real.

08) Multiple partners - sexual and romantically

I have always liked the idea of being shared sexually. Having men control me, love me, and take care of me. This includes sex and romantic feelings toward a person. I need to be romantically involved with someone to be able to share them. One thing I do know:

"You need confidence in yourself to share your partner. If you can't trust yourself, who can you trust?"

Sexually: Multiple partners sexually is easy. They can be at the same time, for me, or separate. For Master, he likes to be romantically involved when sex is involved. He also doesn't like to be around naked men, personal issue with that. I don't have much to say about this topic cause we don't use it if we aren't romantic to another person/couple.

Romantically: For myself, I can see myself with many romantic partners. They don't have to be involved with each other, and I don't have to be their only partner. My brain can't fathom having one person be the one who completes you. Everyone is so different, there will always be a few things that one person can't complete within you.

For Master, it has taken a while for him to even allow me to date women. Like I stated above, it's all about self confidence! He knows it, and he likes the idea of being poly, it's just an issue we have to jump over to get to that complete state, ya know? We are seeking to date a couple, but nothing has been totally worked out. We just know that a man and a woman may help us start our pack.

Master has a wolf animal thing inside him, apparently. XD

If you have questions about multiple partners, please ask! Comments will be screened if you wish!

09) Giving and taking control - completely and partly

Control. A scary word for some, a blessing to others. Above I state he takes all the control. How does he take control? I ask everything. If I do something that he doesn't agree with, I get disciplined. It's really easy. How much control? Everything. We are light when it comes to what you see, but you will notice that I ask for a lot of things if you are around me.

Master/slave and Dominant/submissive is all about control.

M/s - total control.
D/s partial control.

That is the main difference. Not sure how to get much clearer.

And, this is how I roll, bitches. XD

But seriously, this was in my head all freaking day and I had to write it.


  1. I love that you took the time to write all of that out. It is extremely informative in my opinion. Thank you!

  2. I havent seen that magazine cover, but UGH. UGHHH.

    Good follow up. The biggest thing of all here is CONSENT.

  3. Thanks for writing this up. It is very informative and I had some "ping" clarifying moments too :)
    Also thanks to kitty for posting a link ;)