Sunday, October 28, 2012

Neglection (200th post)

I've neglected this blog because I don't feel like I am in a M/s relationship anymore. He doesn't seem to be the one in charge, and I seem to be doing my own thing, instead of things for him.

I don't know if I consider that M/s, so it's been hard to keep this blog updated.

There was one evening we tried to do a scene. His instructions were to be in my black lace thong and high heels, kneeling on the floor in front of the couch. I was also to find the rope, flogger, and lay them by the couch. I was kind of nervous because he didn't tell me anything else, but was also excited cause I haven't had a scene in ages. Months, maybe!

I was kneeling as he said when he got home. He tied the rope to the loop in the collar, kissing me, and running his hands over me. He didn't use the flogger. He pulled me to the bedroom, kissing me, and used his hands, then mouth on me. He flipped me over, and his cock was inside me. He spanked me a little, but not enough to leave a mark.

We both finished, but I felt so unsatisfied it wasn't funny. I wanted to use the flogger, the rope, more foreplay. I felt like crying after it. I told Master this, as I am trying to keep my feelings open for him to know. It helps to know how the other is feeling right?

It wasn't great at all. Sex was fine, but I don't like fine.

After that, we haven't done much. We've had sex since then, better, because he spanked so hard I was flinching it hurt, but I wouldn't mind more flogger time, more foreplay time, more living room playtime. I mean, we have the apartment to ourselves, why not use it?

I've been starting to write a book on living with mental health issues - so I've been trying to focus on that and get through work without falling on my face with depression or manic episodes. That makes my mind busy.

<3 thanks so much for the 40,000+ views, and not sure who is looking at me all the time on here, but there ya go :)


  1. It can be very challenging when you are starting out. you need to just keep letting him know what you need until you both find your balance. You'll get there, just don't give up. I read whenever you have an update.


  2. This makes me really concerned for the health of your relationship/marriage. I know every relationship is different, but this whole post reminds me just SO much of me and my ex whom I was with for 3 years. We started out D/s and over time it just seemed like no matter how much I expressed wanting to play more, wanting higher protocol, things to remind me that I was his, it just never happened and even during the time where I still felt very loved and things were relatively happy it was just like there was this big part of myself missing. That was my first D/s relationship, and the contrast between that and what I have with my current deeply-committed partner/Daddy/Master is HUGE. With Daddy not only is there a wonderful vanilla loving relationship(that we both feel will eventually lead to marriage) but in a D/s sense we just kind of FIT. Like we each enjoy the same kinds of play, and he gets just as top-high and I get into subspace, and playing is a part of our intimate times that just comes very natural, whether it's a longer scene like one we had tonight or just a matter of incorporating things into a sexual encounter that highlight the D/s dynamic.
    Long story short, I wonder if perhaps since you're polyamorous it may turn out that your relationship is stronger having your husband just be your loving husband and having a seperate Master...I mean I don't know, being monogamous it's unfamiliar territory for me...*sigh*. I hope I don't come off judge-y or anything like that, I just hope for both your sakes that you recognize how important it is to share with him how much of a problem the lack of play and M/s has been and try to find solutions together so you can be in a more satisfying relationship together :)


  3. So sorry to hear that things are on a downswing and unfullfilling right now. I do so hope things get better for you. I was wondering where you had gone...

    Best of luck to you.