Thursday, November 8, 2012

regression

I feel like I am 'regressing' in relations to sex. I'm shy, I can't imitate anything, and I am too shy to even SAY I want to have sex, I want him to love me AND hurt me, I want him to do it all. I've told him I want more foreplay, but that's it. I'm just.. I need him to do it, I can't initiate, and it's making me cry right now thinking about it. I want sex, but I don't want to initiate it.

I want him to pay attention to touch and taste. I want him to touch me everywhere, not just for a few seconds, but a long amount of minutes; I want him to kiss me slowly, softly, and less tongue and wetness. I want him to slowly move his hands over my body, savoring the shapes. I want him to gently nip me on my skin while doing this, and do it slowly. No biting, just light nips. I want him to make me blush because it feels good but I am a bit weary about my body, but he shows me that I'm beautiful.

That's the kind of sex I want. Not a few moments of kissing, then me sucking his dick, then sex. I want more, damnit! I haven't had this in a long time. It's making me irritable.

I don't think this as a demand. I just want to be loved, not be 'sexed'.

Maybe after one of these times, I'll be ready for 'sexed'.

This is mostly for him to see, cause, again, I am finding it hard to be verbal.

4 comments:

  1. Been lurking for a while....

    I hope all gets better for you soon. I understand the downs of this part of it, when things fall into predictable patterns. Happens to me a lot too. Wish I had some sage advice for you. You sounded so low, though, I just had to show some support. I hope your Master sees this and responds in the best ways possible.

    ~bunny

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  2. These are things that should have been fixed before marriage. You two don't seem as compatible as you would like to think.

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  3. I think that it's great you are writing down your feelings for him to see. Sometimes it really does help to gather our thoughts and communicate in writing. Then, hopefully you all can talk about it more face to face.

    of course all relationships take work.

    Good luck :)

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  4. You're breaking my heart with these posts. I HATE so much to make this comparison, and every relationship is different, but honestly at least in regards to lack of play and sexual exploration beyond basics this was EXACTLY the point I was at with my ex when things really started falling apart. I would cry myself to sleep at night multiple times a week because we almost never played, WHEN we had sex I always had to bring it up he was never just spontaneous and never initiated, and it was just unfulfilling. sometimes I even broke down crying afterward because I felt so unsatisfied that it physically and emotionally hurt on such a deep level.
    Worlds apart from the relationship I'm in now, especially when it comes to sex and play.
    I know you two care about each other, but I have to be blunt: if you want your marriage to work you two HAVE to sit down and have a long and painfully honest talk about this stuff, where you lay it out on the line and try to figure out ways to make your intimate life more fulfilling for BOTH of you. If not, it will just get worse and more painful because lack of communication can be the biggest relationship killer of them all.

    Good luck, positive energy to you.

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